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Serial Lesson 160
From Course XIV, Occultism Applied, Chapter 10
Original Copyright 1944, Elbert Benjamine (a.k.a. C. C. Zain)
Copyright 2011, The Church of Light
Subheadings: Levels of Affectional Development Power of the Parental Image Projection Selecting a Mate When to Marry Attracting a Mate Demonstrating a Mate Holding the Mate Occult Considerations
Birth Charts: Edgar Cayce Chart Maria M. Benjamine Chart
How to Be Successful in Marriage
SUCCESS in marriage includes finding a suitable mate. It embraces being attractive enough to this suitable mate that there is willingness to enter the state of matrimony. It implies the ability to continue to hold the love, respect and good will of the partner after marriage. And it signifies the partners are mutually beneficial, and that their association results in peace, harmony and happiness to both.
Each of these requisites to a successful marriage will be discussed in proper sequence, with a view to determine how they may be attained. Yet as marriage is the result of sexual impulse, we can hardly hope to make a success of marriage and at the same time remain in ignorance of the laws of sex. Marriage is a sexual relation, and to understand its significance we should know something about the natural development of sex and the love life.
Fortunately, late experimental psychology as well as the psychoanalytic schools have done a great deal to make this matter clear. They show that from infancy to late life there is a series of well-defined steps in the development of the sexual attributes of the normal individual. An infant is fed at the breast. Then with a bottle, and somewhat later it is permitted to eat solid food with fork and spoon. At length it must go to school and observe discipline and time schedules. Finally it is no more supported by its parents, but must break its nest habits and move out into the world to shift for itself. These are normal steps in the ability of the child to take care of itself. Likewise, psychologists show that there are quite as well defined steps in the development of the love nature.
Sometimes in the development of the child’s ability to care for itself the change from one condition to another is made too suddenly, or under circumstances which cause deep emotional distress. A pampered child, for instance, may rebel or be badly frightened when for the first time it is compelled to be away from parents in school. It may be unprepared to associate congenially with other children. Or when grown up it may shrink from leaving the parental home. The responsibilities of life may look unduly formidable to it. As a result of these experiences it may develop emotional complexes that greatly hamper it. But unless it passes through these normal stages and finally becomes self-supporting and establishes a home of its own it remains at a level somewhat short of adulthood.
Likewise, largely due to the ignorance of parents regarding the normal steps in the sex development of a child and to their prevalent reluctance to mention anything about sex to it, children frequently have difficulty at the crisis of their sexual unfoldment. Getting a wrong conception of the matter they are unable properly to adjust themselves to one or more of the normal stages of development. Even though outwardly reconciled later to the new condition, the emotional stresses remain in the astral body as complexes.
Because these complexes were formed in relation to the sexual impulse, and marriage is a sexual relation, they tend to have a profound influence upon marriage. Not infrequently they cause a person to be unduly shy in the presence of the opposite sex, to be unduly critical of the marriage partner, to react emotionally to the marriage partner in a quite unreasonable way, and to have unreasonable feelings of attraction or repulsion toward certain types of the opposite sex. In fact, the emotional experiences of the child as it passes through the various stages of its sexual development very largely determine what kind of a mate it will be attracted to, its manner of courtship, and its emotional reactions to the mate after marriage.
A child is given toys to play with, but when it reaches maturity it discards toys for adult pursuits. Both the child and the adult are physically and mentally active, but this activity has been transferred from childish objects to adult objects. Should the adult be unable to discard his childish toys, but still retain them as the objects of his activities, we could say that his activities were “fixated” at the childish level, and that he had a “fixation” on the toys. So also, there is a natural development through various steps of attachment from infancy to late life. This is accomplished by the “transference” of the affections from the childish objects to those of advanced age. If, however, as sometimes happens, the individual cannot “transfer” his childish attachment we may say that he has a “fixation” on a certain person familiar to his childhood.
To a scientist who observes the early stages of the butterfly to be a crawling worm, who recognizes that during gestation the unborn child passes through stages of development analogous to fish, amphibian, and reptile, it would seem strange if man’s emotional nature did not pass through successive stages from something simple to something more beautiful and complex. Let us, therefore, briefly follow the natural steps in the affectional development of human life as set forth by leading psychologists.
Levels of Affectional Development
1. To begin with, and quite naturally, the infant’s interests are entirely devoted to himself. He explores himself and finds considerable pleasure in contact with certain sensitive zones of his body. His love is centered on himself. This is called the period of “narcissism” after the fabled youth, Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection in the water. In abnormal cases there is a failure to transfer the affections to another and the individual remains largely at the “narcissus” emotional level throughout life.
Considerable interest in themselves from an affectional standpoint is commonly to be observed in small children, and should not be deemed unnatural. But if, due to an emotional conflict set up at this time, there is a partial “fixation” on self, so long as this “fixation” remains in the unconscious it will interfere seriously with a successful marriage. The individual with such a complex in his unconscious is unable to release his affectional interest in himself so that he can give himself wholeheartedly to the one he loves. Until he dissolves this complex by recognizing its source, he will have the feeling that something is lacking in his relations with his partner, and the partner also will sense something is amiss.
2. In the normal affectional development of the infant there is a gradual transfer of the love nature from self to the parents. Commonly, and quite naturally according to the psychologists, the mother becomes the chief object of the boy’s affection and the father the chief object of the girl’s affection. This is called the Oedipus period after the legend of Oedipus, who after guessing the riddle of the Sphinx became a king and married the reigning queen, who unknown to him was actually his mother.
3. In the normal order of things, usually preceding puberty, there is a still further transfer in which the parents no longer are the sole center of interest. The affections move on to a close comradeship and affection for some other person of the same sex. The boy becomes a hero worshiper of some older boy or man, or closely allies himself with a pal of his own age. The girl gets a “crush” on her lady teacher, or on some other girl, and embraces her and walks with her arm about her on every available occasion.
Disease is quite repugnant to the normal person, and arrested development is really a disease. If the brain remains that of an infant, or if a limb fails to develop, we look upon it as a great affliction. Arrested emotional development, likewise, is a disease. Youngsters just before and at the age of puberty are interested in others of their own sex. Hence their associations at this time of life should be carefully guarded lest they go emotionally astray.
Attraction toward members of the same sex is called homosexuality. Occasionally an individual becomes “fixated” at this level. This disease, so repugnant to the normal individual, is due to lack of transfer from a childish emotional object to one suitable for adult expression.
A disagreeable subject that I should feel reluctant to mention, were it not that boarding schools and other places where large numbers of children congregate on intimate terms favor their spread, is solitary habits. Authoritative investigation has shown in such places that they are more prevalent than commonly recognized. Nor should I mention such an unattractive subject at all except that it often has an important bearing on the success of marriage.
Passing over detail, the really great damage is psychological. Left without proper instructions by parents and teachers the youngster gets erroneous ideas. If normally minded, the boy or girl if not interfered with before long concludes of his own accord that his actions are unsound and ceases them. But more often than not he is discovered by some adult. This adult, instead of explaining that this is an incomplete and unsatisfactory expression of a sacred function, then throws a scare into him.
To begin with, since his infancy sex has been made of paramount importance and interest. His questions regarding it have not been fairly met. Always they have been avoided. He has been told he must do this, and he must not do that, but the reason why has remained a secret. Mystery and secrecy and the obvious avoidance of its discussion will cause anything to assume great importance and interest to the mind of a child. It must be fraught with great possibilities to be thus carefully guarded. And thus from early infancy, when first he is not permitted to exhibit his body freely, the suggestion is powerfully hammered into his unconscious mind that sex and all connected with it are amazing things. Is it any wonder, then, because the emotions are so constantly stimulated by its dramatic possibilities, that various complexes are formed in association with this subject.
The adult discovering the youth, and desiring to scare him into a sounder method of life, tells him that if he continues he will go insane. Or he tells him of other dire results that will befall. But the result is just the opposite of that expected by the adult. The emotional stress, more often than not, adds its energy to the habit and not to its cessation. As a consequence either the habit cannot be entirely broken or there are nocturnal disturbances. Reading quack advertisements may still further intensify the fear. As a result a great conflict is set up between two sections of the personality, between the inability always to act as decided upon, and the desire to act in a more sanitary manner.
It is this conflict that tends to wreck the nervous system of the unfortunate. He comes to look upon himself as an unworthy creature, as something to be shunned by others. His self-respect diminishes, and recurring acute remorse saps his vitality and extinguishes his ambition. And if, in addition, a little later in life he gets into the hands of some quack doctor who emphasizes the seriousness of his trouble, he is led to believe that he is an abnormal creature unfit for adult responsibilities. Such a belief seriously hampers the ability to make a proper marriage, and seriously handicaps the success of whatever marriage is formed.
4. In the normal development of the affectional nature, however, as the youth approaches maturity there is a very complete transfer of the love impulses to some eligible member of the opposite sex. This results in marriage.
This, according to fiction and the drama is the end. It is, to be sure, or should be, the end of adolescence, but it is merely the beginning of adult responsibilities. It certainly should not be the last step in the development of the love life.
5. In the normal expansion of the love nature there is no transfer from the husband or wife, but there is a widening of the affections markedly, a decided development in their inclusiveness that is quite significant; as much so as any of the four earlier periods. The love for the marriage partner should not grow less, nor should the relations change in any manner other than that the affections should overflow to embrace the children, which are now normally a part of the family. The marriage, which is the identification with another personality, is still further cemented by the love for and a keen interest in an object of mutual concern.
6. Children grow up, they marry and establish homes of their own. It is wise that children should do so without hindrance from parents. And at this time there is another affectional transference. If the marriage has been successful husband and wife are as devotedly in love with each other as at any time in the past. The transfer is from the children to a still wider interest. Not that the children are not still loved, but the love expands to embrace society at large. No longer confronted with the responsibility of rearing children both become interested in some project or work that is conducive to the welfare of others.
At this time of life, also, there are certain physiological changes. How these affect the physical relations depends entirely upon the temperament of the two. Such relations are not incompatible with age, neither are they necessary to the higher relation to be mentioned. I refer to regeneration. Nor is it even necessary or even wise to await this advanced period of life to attain regeneration. But, because the early novelty of married life is outgrown, because there are no more intimate discoveries to make, because the children are away from home, because the man bores his wife by talking about nothing but golf and business, and because the wife is yearly growing fatter, if the regenerate stage has not been reached by this time there is little to hold man and wife together. It is advisable to attain regeneration earlier, but if it is not attained now, the couple remain “fixated” at an affectional level below their possibilities.
This regeneration is not the same as continence although it is prohibited by excessive indulgence. It is the blending of the finer forces of man and wife accompanied by an exquisite magnetic exchange that strengthens the vitality and gives power to the ambition of both. In the early days of courtship the touch of a hand or the exchange of a kiss is sufficient to establish this ecstatic rapport. After marriage too often, this finer blend goes uncultivated, because of too exclusive attention to the physical aspects. This leaves no surplus of electromagnetic energy to be given the affectional vibratory rate for forming the perceptible magnetic union. Physical and regenerate union mutually exclude each other. And thus the biological urge being satisfied, there is little magnetic pull.
The final development of the love life, then, in so far as it normally expresses on earth, is the regenerate union of husband and wife who have expanded their love for each other and for children to embrace mankind as a whole, and who have a mutual interest in some work for the benefit of others. Such a keen mutual interest in something other than themselves is one of the strongest forces at all times to make marriage happy and successful.
7. In addition to the six stages of affectional development of normal life on earth, there is yet to be considered the spiritual union of soul mates. There is no physical or astrological way that two people can be proved to be or not to be soul mates. It is a theory that is supported by much analogy. The reports of the psychic senses can hardly be trusted in a matter where there is so strong an emotional bias. The value of the idea, therefore, is more philosophical than practical.
To illustrate my meaning more clearly, for a full forty years now I have observed both men and women who have decided to find their soul mates. I have so far never known an individual who set out with this exclusive intention but who found a lot of trouble. Furthermore, when the so-called soul mate was found by this diligent search, the union has almost never proved successful.
It is human nature to build up fictions of things as we would like them to be. It is so easy for a man or woman who is dissatisfied with the present mate to build up a fantasy that the longed for perfection is to be found in another. I have known it repeatedly to happen, however, that a person who was making a valiant effort to do something for humanity has been drawn into contact with and married another of similar aspirations. These marriages are often ideally happy, and I have no wish to disparage them. Perhaps they are soul mates. At least they are ideally suited. But those entering them have not primarily been seeking a soul mate; they have been seeking to do some worthwhile and unselfish work, and perhaps hoping the right mate would come along. My point is, that to concentrate on finding a soul mate rather than upon being worthy of such happiness by accomplishing some unselfish work, does not, according to my observation, result satisfactorily.
Power of the Parental Image
At any of the earlier stages of normal sexual development there may occur a total or partial “fixation.” Such arrested development is as fatal to a successful marriage as development that stops at the mental age of the twelve-year-old is fatal to success in a profession. Intelligence tests made during World War I indicate that an appreciable percentage of our population has never developed further mentally than the twelve year old normal child, and our psychologists have since collected data to show that about as large a percentage of other persons are still children in their emotional development. But this emotional development commonly may be brought up to normal by education. When the individual is made to recognize that he has stopped at a level of immaturity, or that he has a “fixation,” this knowledge brings about an effort toward emotional readjustment. The “fixation” is liberated, or the complexes are dissolved.
The most common “fixation,” and the only one I shall discuss—as the remedy for all is to be found in recognizing both their source and their effect upon the life—is the Oedipus complex.
The limited experience of the child provides it with no adequate standard of comparison. It comes to look upon the father or mother, therefore, as the embodiment of perfection. The child is unusually susceptible to suggestion, and this suggestion offered by early environment that the parent is the most perfect creature in the world sinks so deeply into the unconscious mind that frequently it is never eradicated. Even in later life the parent is given a certain sanctity.
Though in later life the conscious mind is aware of the imperfections of the parent, such as to be found in all mortals, still in the unconscious mind the hallowed image is still retained. The mother is the boy’s ideal of a woman, the father is the girl’s ideal of a man. These early images often exert the power of a compelling force in the selection of a mate. The energy of such an image, with all its emotional content, is stirred into activity by anything that even superficially suggests the beloved parent.
Even when the mother is a scold, any girl that looks a little like the mother will attract the young man. In fact, he is as apt to marry a girl with his mother’s faults as one with her virtues, and the quality about the girl suggesting the mother image may be so superficial that there is no other resemblance. Many a man falls desperately in love under such circumstances, quite unconscious of the reason, and then wonders later what there could have been about the girl to attract him. His real love was for the mother image which something about the girl stirred into motion.
Girls who have fathers that are drunkards are more apt to marry men who are drunkards for the same reason. Anything about a man that suggests to the unconscious mind the father sets into activity all the love that has been felt for the father. The love of father is transferred to this individual regardless of how worthy or unworthy he may be.
In these cases, which are not unusual, there has been a normal transference of affection from the parent to another and eligible object. There has not been a fixation. But the selection of a mate has been unduly influenced by the parental image.
In other instances, however, there is a more or less complete “fixation.” The boy who has been unduly petted and fondled by the mother, and led to idealize her, becomes “fixated” on her as an exclusive love image. He looks in vain for a mate that is as perfect as this fictitious image of his mother. If the coddling has been carried too far he may even remain in the childish stage where responsibilities are concerned. He may never be able to break away from home, or even decide things without first consulting mother. More often he grows up in this respect, and shoulders his mother’s responsibilities. He is her protector and comfort. He may even have desired to get married, but he cannot bring himself to leave mother. He is unable to make this normal emotional transfer from mother to mate.
The girl who is humored and caressed by her father has a similar experience. No other man is as good, or as brave, or as noble, as her father. It is more comfortable to mother him, and to be provided for by him than to take the hazard of matrimony. Or she may desire to marry, but be unable to leave the father, or to make the necessary emotional transfer.
Such complete “fixations” deter marriage. But more often than is commonly realized there are partial “fixations” that wreck marriages that are formed. The mother image is so strongly embedded in the unconscious of the man that immediately after marriage he compares his wife in appearance, in speech and in her work with his mother. Because the mother image is a fantasy of an ideal rather than an actual representation, the wife always suffers by comparison. “Bread like mother used to make” is a common expression of this unconscious mother image. Marriage cannot be happy where the mother image is so dominant in the unconscious of the husband. And if, in addition, the mother lives near, or is brought into the home to live, the condition becomes intolerable for the wife, who intuitively feels that the mother holds the place in her husband’s affections that should belong to her.
The woman with such a partial “fixation” on the father in like manner compares the husband in all ways with the father. “Father always did it this way.” “Father always provided us with...” “Father never spoke in that manner.” Even when unuttered, the thoughts are there, and always unfavorable to the husband. The woman has not married a husband, she has married a father substitute. And because the father image is merely associated with the husband, rather than the love transferred from the father to the husband, she often feels that the marriage relations are sinful. And if the father lives close by, or comes to live with them, there is no hope of a successful marriage.
Then again, women in the past have been brought up to look upon the marriage relation as something a little revolting though to be endured. They have been given the impression that for a woman to have desires is rather wicked. This early training causes an emotional inhibition due to the suggestion taking such firm root in the unconscious. There is a conflict and a consequent complex. One part of the unconscious is bent on expressing the biological need, and the other part looks with horror upon such expression. The result is that they are unable to give themselves completely. This engenders discontent upon their own part, and discontent upon the part of the marriage partner. Each feels in some manner that the other is at fault for the lack of harmony and complete expression.
In addition to these things, which proper knowledge of their cause would dissipate, men as well as women are often grossly ignorant of woman’s natural reactions. They are unaware that men and women are parallel in their nervous and magnetic functions. This ignorance which prevents proper expression of the wife leads to the establishment of what the psychologists term an “incompletion complex.” Such a complex is accompanied by a feeling of discontent and unhappiness, and is a grave menace to a successful marriage.
There also may be on the part of one or both other complexes, such as those explained in Chapter 9 (Serial Lesson 159), that have been formed through emotional conflicts early in life that arc unrelated to the love life. But whatever the source of the complex, if as is usual it gives rise to a feeling of discontent—and chronic discontent is always the expression of a complex—it has a common and easily recognized way of expressing itself in the married life. The psychologists call it PROJECTION.
As we have seen, affection may be transferred from one object to another. Likewise any condition within the unconscious, if its true nature is unknown or if there is a reluctance to face this true condition, may be transferred to the outside world. In those cases of persecution complexes where people imagine others are trying to injure them, and become so dangerous that they are locked up to prevent violence, we have the extreme example of projecting a fear within the unconscious to entirely innocent persons. A milder form of projection is the person who when a mistake is made in the office always is sure someone else is to blame.
Because of the emotional association and the close companionship between husband and wife, it is unusually common to find the wife projecting her inward discomforts to the husband, or the husband projecting his unconscious strife to the wife. The party doing the projecting believes and acts as if the other person were the cause of all the imaginary difficulties which are projections of what he feels within himself. Under such circumstances nothing the partner can do is right. No matter what the other one does, it is subject to faultfinding and criticism. The only remedy is for the person with the complex to realize the source of his discontent, and by facing the facts reconcile the clashing mental factors within himself.
At the time the children come into the world, as I have already indicated, the affections normally expand to embrace the children. Sometimes, however, the love nature of one or other of the parents is insufficiently elastic to enfold the newcomers and the partner also. Instead of expanding there is merely a transfer of affections from the mate to the children. The mate, who up to this time has been the sole object of affection, now feels an outsider. No longer is there the old responsiveness from the partner. Unless remedied, this condition frequently leads to separation. The cure is for both parents to realize that a normal development of the affectional life expands the love to embrace children without withdrawing it from the mate. In fact, the sight of the dear miniature copies of the mate should, and normally does, stimulate the love of the parents for each other.
A man or a woman who enters into business does not consider that after the papers are signed the business should run itself. Such an attitude would soon result in business failure. But many people fail to recognize that marriage is one of the most important ventures of life, and that it will no more run itself successfully than a business. To make a success of any worthwhile enterprise—marriage no less than any other—requires constant effort, careful planning, and vigilance to observe and strengthen weaknesses that may from time to time develop.
First of all, as in any partnership, both parties must be prepared to make sacrifices. Nor should these sacrifices all be made by one individual. Human associations, and marriage in particular, to be successful require a spirit of mutual give and take. Points where friction may develop should early be settled by some definite understanding. Some plan should be agreed upon, for instance, in regard to the use of money by the wife. What this plan is will vary with conditions, but she should not be placed in the humiliating position of a supplicant for funds, nor should the husband be placed in the position of one who is continually harassed for disbursements.
Early in the marriage, due to traits or emotional disturbances developed previously, either partner may exhibit characteristics that are intolerable. If they are handled with both firmness and kindness right at the start they are much easier managed than they are later on. If a condition arises which will ultimately result in loss of love, the sooner it is dealt with the better.
Selecting a Mate
The best method of determining whether two persons are suited to marry is through a careful comparison of the birth charts. Something of what the birth chart reveals, however, may be determined by observation. Primarily marriage is a physical union. That this union may be satisfactory the magnetic temperament of the two should be sufficiently similar that there is a ready exchange of electromagnetic energy between them. This is not merely a feeling of attraction. It is the establishment of a rapport between them by which energy is exchanged. It is a condition that may be felt when in the other’s presence closely as a blending of the finer forces. This blend and interchange of subtle energies give pleasure in being physically near to each other, make the early marriage more satisfactory, and later make possible the transfer from the more adolescent phase of love to that of regeneration. If the electromagnetic forces are of too divergent types they will not fuse but will recoil each from the other. In astrologically determining the electromagnetic polarity the Ascendant, which is the ground wire over which the electrical energy reaches the outside world, is important, as are the planets in the first house, for these have access to the ground wire. Yet this energy which is commonly known as personal magnetism is not a simple force, but powerfully influenced by the quality of the signs occupied by Sun and Moon and the planets aspecting them; to which the vibratory rates of the Ascendant and planets in the first house are added.
Fiery signs and fiery planets do not blend with watery signs and watery planets, but if the Sun in one chart is a fiery sign and the Moon or Ascendant of another is in a fiery sign, the magnetisms may tend to fuse pleasantly. Such vibrations as are indicated by Aries united to Cancer, Capricorn united to Gemini, or Taurus united to Leo, however, unless there are other sympathetic points of contact, tend to jar upon each other.
Marriage is not merely a physical union, it is also a mental partnership. That this mental partnership shall be successful it is not necessary that both shall be equally brilliant, or both always interested in the same thing. But it is essential that both have some common mental interest of real importance. Both may be interested in athletics, in travel, in literature, in art, in social uplift, in occultism. The more common interests the better, but at least there should be one important attraction which gives them a common and interesting ground for exchange of thought.
Not only do people grow after marriage, but they should grow. Unfortunately one may grow in one direction and the other in a different way. If, therefore, they do not have a mutual intense interest they should select something for both to become interested in. It is even more essential in later life, when the passions seem less important and the early problems have been solved, that husband and wife should have something that both delight in to discuss and work for. It is mental compatibility that lends the finest flavor to domestic existence.
Marriage is also a spiritual relationship. While it is not essential that man and women have similar views and spiritual ideals, yet at least there should be tolerance and sympathetic understanding. If one wishes to make what is considered spiritual advance, and the other opposes it as mere nonsense, the conditions are not present for proper harmony.
When to Marry
I know of only one way in which to select a propitious time for courtship and marriage. That is by consulting the progressed aspects made in the chart of birth. While there must be a progressed aspect to the ruler of the seventh house or marriage will not take place, the dominant harmony or discord of the progressed aspects at the time largely determine how successful the particular marriage will be.
In the analysis of 100 charts of people divorced, as set forth in the book WHEN AND WHAT EVENTS WILL HAPPEN it was found that at the time of their marriage 79% had discordant progressed aspects predominant, 52% had only discordant progressed aspects to the ruler of the seventh 44% had only discordant progressed aspects to the ruler of the opposite sex, and 28% had only discordant progressed aspects to Venus, the planet of affection. All of these, and 115 other charts analyzed in the same book at the time of marriage, had a progressed aspect to the ruler of the seventh house.
The analyses of the progressed aspects in the birth charts of these 215 people at the time of marriage emphasized the unwisdom of marrying at a time when the progressed aspects are dominantly discordant. While of the 100 marriages resulting in divorce 79 had discordant progressed aspects dominant, only three of them had harmonious progressed aspects dominant, and the remaining 18 had harmonious and discordant progressed aspects at the time rather evenly balanced. Thus unless the progressed aspects at the time are dominantly harmonious the marriage starts under a tremendous handicap.
Next in importance to the dominant progressed influence at the time is the harmony or discord of the progressed aspects to the ruler of the seventh. In 52 of the marriages resulting in divorce the only progressed aspects to the ruler of the seventh were discordant, in 17 they were harmonious only, and in the balance they were about evenly balanced. Thus marriage at a time when there are no harmonious aspects to the ruler of the seventh is rather hazardous.
The significant factor however is this: Quite a percentage of these people who divorced, later remarried when their progressed aspects were harmonious, and made a success of the later marriage.
While it is true that people fall in love at other times, they do not marry until there is a major progressed aspect to the ruler of the seventh house. Friendly progressed aspects of Venus, however, tend to make all affectional matters joyful and successful. Harmonious progressed aspects of the Moon in a man’s chart, and harmonious progressed aspects of the Sun in a woman’s chart, furthermore, tend to attract those of the opposite sex who are beneficial. And while any progressed aspect to the ruler of the seventh house may give the thought cells mapped by this compartment of the finer form enough energy to attract marriage, if the marriage is to prove successful the dominant progressed aspect and at least one progressed aspect to the ruler of the seventh should be harmonious.
Just a word of caution here: An aspect to Uranus by progression excites the magnetic flow markedly and attracts others powerfully if the aspect is harmonious, and causes attraction to others powerfully even when discordant. An aspect to Neptune tends to idealize people in a way they are unable to live up to. Infatuations often take place under progressed aspects to either of these planets. The magnetic pull set up by Uranus then subsides as soon as the progressed planet is out of orb, and the imaginary qualities attributed to the person by Neptune give place to disillusionment as soon as its aspect is over. It is therefore unwise to marry when the chief influence by progression is an aspect either to Uranus or Neptune; for even if these are harmonious the attraction, which is unusually strong at the time, does not last.
Attracting a Mate
Courtship is difficult when the ruler of the fifth house or the ruler of the seventh house is afflicted by progressed aspect, but when either of these planets receives good progressed aspects, when Venus makes favorable progressed aspects, and when the Moon in a man’s chart, or the Sun in a woman’s chart, makes harmonious progressed aspects, such matters move forward nicely.
Attracting a mate, as well as holding one after marriage, should not be left to chance. It is a matter of enough importance to warrant intelligent effort of the highest type. After you are convinced that a certain eligible person is suitable and desirable, the next thing to do is to gather as much information about the inclinations, tastes, and ambitions of this individual as possible. With this knowledge you are prepared for the attempt to win love, respect and devotion.
The one thing that should ever be remembered in this effort is that PLEASURE IS ATTRACTIVE AND PAIN IS REPELLENT. People are attracted to each other only because they find pleasure in each other’s company. But all people do not find pleasure in the same things. Even a little strife and opposition is more pleasurable to some than entirely smooth sailing. The joys of making up may even at times compensate for a quarrel. One thing, however, is quite universal. No one wants what is too easy to get. The rare, the unusual, the difficult to procure excite desire for possession. Nor does the normal individual desire another who is a “doormat.”
Self respect engenders the respect of others, and this is an attractive quality, for people find pleasure in what they hold in high regard. Self confidence, also, is essential. In fact, what you are attempting to do, is to sell another on certain ideas in regard to yourself. Therefore, the cardinal rules of salesmanship, as stated in Chapter 8 (Serial Lesson 158), all apply with equal force to courtship.
What the things are that give the most pleasure to any particular individual can only be learned through a study of that person’s various biases. Those things that commonly are found to be attractive are set forth in Chapters 5 and 6 (Serial Lessons 155 and 156). Being too good to a person without at the same time being firm, however, is often interpreted as being “easy” and lacking in character. The perusal of the chapters mentioned will suggest definite lines of conduct to follow. Above all, you must keep the interest of the person to be won. It may be better even for a time to have some antagonism than to be out of mind; for antagonism at least has a chance of being converted into affection, but so long as you do not have the attention of the person there is no hope to win. To win and hold a mate you must keep him or her INTERESTED.
Demonstrating a Mate
To formulate and hold in the mind the image of the ideal mate, endowing this image with the attributes you desire the mate to possess, and while holding this image to repeat “SOUL OF MY SOUL COME TO ME,” will certainly attract you to some person. Such procedure should be practiced with much caution, however, and without too much emphasis. In fact, it is better to formulate the image clearly, and hold a general desire that the ideal will someday be realized. Otherwise some person very likely will be attracted to you who in addition to some of the desired qualities may have others that are very disagreeable. Or one may be attracted who will bring much trouble and harassing situations.
Holding the Mate
The one thing that separates more people than any other is monotony. Life is change and people demand that they shall keep interested. Sitting at the same table every day, discussing the same topics, laboring at the same employment, following a deep rutted routine, drives people to disgust with themselves and with their mates. They feel the need of the spice of adventure. So if you would hold your mate, find some way of being entertaining, and see to it that the monotony is broken at frequent intervals by something new or adventurous undertaken together. Follow all the rules of Chapter 6 (Serial Lesson 156) for holding a friend, and also those of Chapter 5 (Serial Lesson 155) for being attractive. To attract a mate you would not shuffle about unshaven, in shirt sleeves, and with hair uncombed, nor would you lounge around with hair wrapped about curling pins, dressed in a tousled kimono.
People who marry commonly are magnetically attractive to each other and have some mental interests in common. Images of the other are built up in the mind about pleasant impressions. Nor is there any fundamental reason why they should not continue to love. Once these pleasant images in the unconscious are replaced with those built around painful impressions, though, and it is very difficult to reconstruct the attractive ones.
Both jealousy, and worry because the other is becoming indifferent, are powerful mental treatments directed toward the other that tend to force him away. Jealousy is a mental force that strikes the finer body of the loved one with a violent repelling force. Fear of losing the loved one is a slow canker reaching the finer body of the other as a discord that eats away such affection as is present. Confidence that the love can be held is a mental treatment of powerful attractive force; and this, together with such actions as conduce to pleasure—particularly to interest—are powerful forces to revive and hold the other’s affections.
People who wish to retain or revive their affection for each other may do so by the very simple expedient of thinking of the other as frequently as possible in association with circumstances in the present or past that are pleasurable, and avoiding painful experiences and painful thoughts while thinking of the other. This, of course, implies that the other cooperate to give pleasure and avoid pain.
As the fortune in marriage depends primarily upon the harmony or discord of the thought cells mapped by the seventh house, to a degree upon the harmony or discord mapped by the planet Venus, and to some extent upon the harmony or discord mapped by the planet representing the opposite sex, there is opportunity to make marriage more fortunate by giving these three sets of thought cells more happy desires.
The thought cells mapped by the seventh house may be given more harmonious desires by thinking pleasantly as often as possible of marriage, by using thoughts characteristic of the planet ruling the seventh house, or those which are the mental antidote (Course IX, Mental Alchemy) of the planet ruling the seventh house.
If the ruler of the seventh house is afflicted, associating with objects ruled by it will increase the power of its thought cells to attract discord where marriage is concerned. But close association with names, numbers, colors, gems and locations ruled by the planet which is most favorable to seventh house matters are influences that contribute both to the winning and the holding of the mate. They help somewhat to make marriage successful.
Edgar Cayce Chart
March 18, 1877, 3:00 p.m. LMT. 87:30W. 36:45N.
(Data from page 59 of There Is A River.)
1881, grandfather died, but he often saw him afterward: Sun square Jupiter r, semisextile Neptune r.
1882-83, played daily with fairy children: Sun semisextile Neptune.
1888, lady appeared in vision and told him his prayers had been answered: Jupiter trine Neptune r, continued many years. He could learn a book by sleeping on it.
1892, in sleep told how to cure an injury: Venus semisextile Neptune.
1901, famous for diagnosing and prescribing while asleep: Sun semisextile Pluto r.
1907, patient he cured gave him hospital: Venus semisextile Pluto r.
1931, arrested for fortune telling but won case in court: Sun conjunction Pluto r, Venus conjunction Pluto r, Mars p semisextile Venus r.
Maria M. Benjamine Chart
March 10, 1909, 2:00 a.m. CST. 87:37W. 41:50N.
(Data from her personally.)
1927, leading lady in class play: M.C. sextile Mars r.
1934, joined Church of Light and passed several examinations on B. of L. courses: Asc. conjunction Uranus p.
1935, first trip to California: Asc. semisextile Mercury r.
1936, spring, first of many astrological magazine articles published: Venus conjunction Saturn r, P Mercury p.
1936, fall, started work for C. of L.: M.C. trine Sun r.
1942, became Hermetician in June, started correcting all C. of L. examinations in August: Sun sextile Mercury r.
1943, May 31, married Elbert Benjamine: Venus semisextile Sun r, Sun sextile Pluto r, Moon p conjunction Uranus p.